LITTLE JHONNY AND BUSH

So Bush decides to take a stop at an elementary school and randomly walks in on a classroom. The teacher goes "Oh its such an honor" "Mr. Bush would you mind. I was teaching the children word meanings. Could you help them with the word tragedy." So Bush agrees and asks the class the meaning of tragedy. Sarah raises her hand and says "If a tractor rolls over me and my friend by mistake, that would be a tragedy." Bush says "No, that would be an accident." So Jim raises his hand and says "If I drown because I slipped off of a dock, that would be a tragedy" Bush replies "No, that would be a great loss" So quiet little Johnny raises his hand from the corner "If an AirForce 2 Plane carrying you onboard is shot down, that would be a tragedy." Bush replied "RIGHT! Now can you tell me why it is a tragedy." Johnny replied "Because it wouldn't be an accident or a fucking great loss either."

LITTLE JHONNY

A teacher asked her students if they could use the words 'defeat, defense, and detail' in a sentence.

Little Johnny was a smarty, so he answered with, "De feet of de dog went over de fence before de tail."

FRED AND MARY (AND JHONNY)

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's House for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his Mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His Mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my Super Glue."

JHONNY JOKES

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"

"But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the DAMN difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!

PISS

One day Johny he had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand and asked the teacher "can I go to the bathroom." she said no.

Then 5 mins later he raised his hand and said "damit I have to piss can I go to the bathroom."She said "no not with that mouth."She said now go to the corner and say your a,b,c's.frontwords and backwords

He went to the corner and said "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z"

Then he said "z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q,o,n,m,l,k,j,i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a"

Then she said "Where is the p."

Lil Johny said "Running down my leg."

LITTLE JHONNY

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room.The little girl was softly sobbing.

"why are you crying?" Little Johny asked.

"I'm here for a blood test,and they're going to cut my finger." said the girl

When he heard this, Little Johny started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.

He looked at her worriedly and said,"I'm here for a urine test."

I WILL ANSWER THIS

The Teacher asked in the school "boys, a car is running at a speed of 90 kmph, then what is my age?"

All students became stunned. The Little Johny raised his hand and said "Sir, 40 yrs."

Very Good, said the teacher. But how did you calculate?

Little Johny said, There is a half mad person lives in our colony, whose age is 20 years

HEARTS HAVE LEGS

Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?"

The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"

Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweet heart open your legs."

APRIL

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR NOSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

JHONNY'S FIRST DAY IN SCHOOL

It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so
his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a
good kid but that he was an avid gambler.
He warned her that little
Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched
closely.

The teacher did not seem disturbed, assured the father that she
had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of
little Johnny's urge to gamble.

Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things were going."Oh, everything is going very well" she said. "I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit."

The father asked her what had happened."He absolutely insisted on
betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear," she said. "I
finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show
him that I had no mole."

"Crap!" The father said. "He bet me fifty
dollars this morning that he would see the teacher's bare butt before the
day was over."

GOOD MANNERS

During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her
students: "If you were courting a well educated young girl from a
prominent family and during a dinner for two, you needed to go to the
toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies "Wait a minute, I'm going for a pee."
The teacher says : "That would be very rude and improper on your part."

Jack replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll
be back in a minute."
The teacher says : "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."

Teacher now asked johny what would he say?

Johny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go
shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to
introduce to you after dinner. " The teacher passed out..

JHONNY AND THE PRINCIPAL

Johnny missed his final exams due to the flu, but he'd
done so well during the year that the teacher suggested to the
principal that they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd
missed.

The principal agreed so they called Johnny into the office,
explained, then the teacher asked, "Johnny what does a cow have four of,
that I only have two of?" Johnny replied, "Legs."

The teacher asked,"Johnny, what do you have in your pants that i don't have in my pants?" Johnny replied, "Pockets."

The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the
capital of Italy?" Johnny replied. "Rome."

The teacher turned to the principal and asked,
"Should we pass him?" The principal replied, "Better not ask me, I got the
first two wrong"

THE WHOLE TRUTH

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."


Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."

WHICH PART OF BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the
teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven
first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God. The teacher
praises the little girl, as a little boy raised his hand. The little boy says,
"I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very
good," said the teacher.

The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no", she thought,
"I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think
goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet."
The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied,
"Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet
up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"