REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN MEN,WOMEN AND SEX

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX

You’re never too old to enjoy chocolate.
It’s safe to have chocolate while you’re driving.
You never feel guilty after chocolate.
You can make chocolate last as long as you want.
You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
With chocolate – satisfaction’s guaranteed.


REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN MEN

No one’s ever been jilted by a chocolate gateau.
After telling your chocolate bar all your worries you can simply eat it.
You can share chocolates with your best friend.
A bar of chocolate doesn’t bore you by constantly talking about football.
Your mother will never disapprove of your choice of chocolate.



REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

Chocolate never keeps you waiting.
Chocolate doesn’t get jealous when you look at another chocolate bar.
You never have to buy a box of chocolates for a box of chocolates.
Chocolate doesn’t talk incessantly while you’re watching the football.
It doesn’t expect you to remember the anniversary of the first time you met.
Chocolate never tries to chat up your best friend.
Chocolate isn’t looking for a long term commitment.

3 CHINESE MEN

3 Chinese men wanted to become US citizen and
"Americanize" themselves.
Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu.

Bu named himself "Buck",
Chu name himself "Chuck", and
Fu decided to back to china....

FRED AND MARY (AND JHONNY)

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's House for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his Mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His Mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my Super Glue."

FOUR WORMS

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day:

First worm - dead

Second worm - dead.

Third worm - dead.

Fourth worm - alive.

Therefore, if you smoke, drink and have sex often, you won't get worms!

GORGEOUS YOUNG GIRL

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left knee and screams in pain. Then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more. She pushes her stomach and screams and then she pushes her ankle and screams even louder. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

FOUR FRIENDS

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now
he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best
friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He
started working for a big airline, then went to f light school to become a pilot.
Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its
assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his
birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and
expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the
restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper
at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment .'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he
hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a
beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line
Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

ON BOARD CONVERSATION

A man boards a Jet Airways flight from Delhi to mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks 'Business trip or vacation?' She turns, smiles, and says, 'Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention.' He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, 'What's your business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she says, 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.' 'Really?' he says, swallowing hard. 'What m-m-m-myths are those?'

'Well,' she explains, 'one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar.'

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. 'I'msorry,' she says, 'I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!'



'Venkatraman!' the man blurts out. 'Venkatraman Mukherjee! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh!'

TRY AGAIN

A young unwed girl discovers that she is pregnant.
Scared, she confides this 'news' to her mother.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did
this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature
and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very
expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl,
and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.

However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll takeresponsibility.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a
beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy
will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is
twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a
miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

"You can try again!"....