BEFORE MARRIAGE AND AFTER MARRIAGE

No Offense meant ....

A Piece of conversation before and after marriage

Before Marriage......

He : Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She : Do you want me to leave?

He : NO! Don't even think about it.

She : Do you love me?

He : Of course! Over and over!

She : Have you ever cheated on me?

He : NO! Why are you even asking?

She : Will you kiss me?

He : Every chance I get!

She : Will you hit me?

He : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

She : Can I trust you?

He : Yes.

She : Darling!

After Marriage ...... SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP !!!

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN MEN,WOMEN AND SEX

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX

You’re never too old to enjoy chocolate.
It’s safe to have chocolate while you’re driving.
You never feel guilty after chocolate.
You can make chocolate last as long as you want.
You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
With chocolate – satisfaction’s guaranteed.


REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN MEN

No one’s ever been jilted by a chocolate gateau.
After telling your chocolate bar all your worries you can simply eat it.
You can share chocolates with your best friend.
A bar of chocolate doesn’t bore you by constantly talking about football.
Your mother will never disapprove of your choice of chocolate.



REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

Chocolate never keeps you waiting.
Chocolate doesn’t get jealous when you look at another chocolate bar.
You never have to buy a box of chocolates for a box of chocolates.
Chocolate doesn’t talk incessantly while you’re watching the football.
It doesn’t expect you to remember the anniversary of the first time you met.
Chocolate never tries to chat up your best friend.
Chocolate isn’t looking for a long term commitment.

HONERABLE MEN

Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JUST A FRIEND, GOOD FRIEND,VERY GOOD FRIEND ETC

Girls’ relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.

It’s not just about boyfriends, we’re talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn’t fit to wear Jeetendra’s white shoes? Here’s a ready reckoner for you:

% just a friend %
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, “Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??”
Rahul: “Where are you going Shilpa??”
Shilpa: “None of your business” and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph! ).

% Good Friend %
You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.
Rahul calls: “Hi Shilpa”,
Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye”
(Shilpa calls back after two days)
Shilpa: “What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?”.
Rahul: “Generally”.
Shilpa: “Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye.”
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.

% Very good friend %
Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.
She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.
Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.
Shilpa: “You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn’t sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn’t like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl”.
Rahul: “Who is Shekhar??”
Shilpa : “My boyfriend.”
Rahul: Oh! ok.

% Best Friend %
You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can’t live without you.
And don’t be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.

Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.
Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.
Shilpa: “But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends
Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that.”
Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).

% Best of the Bestest Friends %
Ok now you are really special.
You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything.
Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.
You take her around.
You make her project.
You do her assignments.
You are allowed to take her doggie around.
You can hold hands on the beach.
You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).
But but but… don’t be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.
Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend”.
Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul’s wrist).
Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.

% Boyfriend %
Uh… No comments dude. You’re already Gone

For all Rahul type guys? Make sure that you tell Shilpa about Mamta. And about Maya? and about Tina also?

This will open Shilpa’s eyes!!!!

Send it to boys to improve their Knowledge bank

Send it to girls who want to live in reality

Eventually? both will laugh

GORGEOUS YOUNG GIRL

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left knee and screams in pain. Then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more. She pushes her stomach and screams and then she pushes her ankle and screams even louder. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

FACTS ABOUT GIRLS

GIRL FACTS



When a GIRL is quiet,

Millions of things are running in her mind.



When a GIRL is not arguing,

She is thinking deeply.



When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of

questions,

She is wondering how long you will be

around.



When a GIRL answers “i’m fine” after a

few

seconds,

She is not at all fine.



When a GIRL stares at you,

She is wondering why you are lying.



When a GIRL lays on your chest,

She is wishing for you to be hers forever.



When a GIRL calls you everyday,

She is seeking for your attention.



When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,

She wants to be pampered.



When a GIRL sms’s u everyday,

She wants you to reply at least once.



When a GIRL says I love you,

She means it.



When a GIRL says that she can’t live

without you,

She has made up her mind that you are

her

future.



When a GIRL says “i miss you”,

No one in this world can miss you more

than that

Believe it its a Fact…

THREE ANSWERS

Three answers most feared by men)





1. (Whatever)



Men: What to have for dinner?

Women: Whatever..

Men: Why not we have steamboat?

Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face

Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine

Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?

Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood

Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea

Men: Then what you suggest?

Women : Whatever..









2. (Anything)



Men: So what should we do now?

Women: Anything

Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie

Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only

Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?

Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?

Men: Then find a café and have drink

Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep

Men: Then what you suggest?

Women: Anything





3. (You decide)

Men: Then we just go home

Women: You decide

Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you

Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want

Men: Ok we will take Taxi

Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance

Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk

Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?

Men: Then what you suggest?

Women: You decide

Men: Let's have dinner first

Women: Whatever...

Men: Eat what?

Women: Anyting

(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)