FUNNY NAMES

There were a few mothers attending a small seminar with a psychiatrist who claimed to know what their obsessions were judging by the names they gave their children.

He asked the first mother what he named her daughter and she said "Penny". So the doctor tells her she's obviously obsessed with money.

He moves along to the next mother who says she named her daughter "Brandy". So the doctor says she must be obsessed with alcohol.

Suddenly, a mother grabs her son by the arm and gets up, saying "C'mon Dick, let's go."

NICE ONE

It was a stormy night. A guy was driving in some mountains and his car broke down. He stopped it by a tree and walked down the highway looking for help. A headlight started to approach him from behind. He turned back and noticed a car coming forth very slowly. He walked up to it, opened the door, and sat on the passenger's seat. Then he suddenly notices that there was no driver, but the car was moving!
Before the guy could decide what to do, a sharp turn appeared a few meters before the car and it seemed that the car was going to go off the cliff. The guy trembled in fright, but a pale hand came in from the open window and turned the steering wheel! When the car finished turning around the curve, the hand withdrew. Every time there was a turn, the same hand would come in and guide the wheels of the car to safety.
The guy could not believe all this. As soon as he saw the lights of some rest stop by the road he jumped off the car and ran into a bar, pale, wet, trembling, and telling everybody that he had a most creepy, supernatural experience.
Then two young men dripping in mud came into the bar. One saw the guy and said, "Hey, that's the stupid fellow that got in our car while were pushing."

CUSTOMER SERVICE JOKES

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one...

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note .

Customer: No ... Wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry.

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Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates!

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Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?

Customer: No.

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Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

Customer: It's not working.

Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?

Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
Keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!

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Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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A customer couldn't get on the Internet...

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

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Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

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Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?

Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?

Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?

Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?

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Helpdesk: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

HE IS NOT YOUR FATHER

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.

His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood. With a sad face the old man said to his son, 'I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.

The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same.

So he decides to go to his mother. 'Mama I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.

His mother smiling said to him, Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls.

You're not his son!!