BEFORE MARRIAGE AND AFTER MARRIAGE

No Offense meant ....

A Piece of conversation before and after marriage

Before Marriage......

He : Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She : Do you want me to leave?

He : NO! Don't even think about it.

She : Do you love me?

He : Of course! Over and over!

She : Have you ever cheated on me?

He : NO! Why are you even asking?

She : Will you kiss me?

He : Every chance I get!

She : Will you hit me?

He : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

She : Can I trust you?

He : Yes.

She : Darling!

After Marriage ...... SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP !!!

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN MEN,WOMEN AND SEX

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX

You’re never too old to enjoy chocolate.
It’s safe to have chocolate while you’re driving.
You never feel guilty after chocolate.
You can make chocolate last as long as you want.
You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
With chocolate – satisfaction’s guaranteed.


REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN MEN

No one’s ever been jilted by a chocolate gateau.
After telling your chocolate bar all your worries you can simply eat it.
You can share chocolates with your best friend.
A bar of chocolate doesn’t bore you by constantly talking about football.
Your mother will never disapprove of your choice of chocolate.



REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

Chocolate never keeps you waiting.
Chocolate doesn’t get jealous when you look at another chocolate bar.
You never have to buy a box of chocolates for a box of chocolates.
Chocolate doesn’t talk incessantly while you’re watching the football.
It doesn’t expect you to remember the anniversary of the first time you met.
Chocolate never tries to chat up your best friend.
Chocolate isn’t looking for a long term commitment.

HONERABLE MEN

Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

BUSH THE LIAR

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of Peter at
The Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" That's Nelson Mandela's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie." Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The Hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

3 CHINESE MEN

3 Chinese men wanted to become US citizen and
"Americanize" themselves.
Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu.

Bu named himself "Buck",
Chu name himself "Chuck", and
Fu decided to back to china....

LITTLE JHONNY AND BUSH

So Bush decides to take a stop at an elementary school and randomly walks in on a classroom. The teacher goes "Oh its such an honor" "Mr. Bush would you mind. I was teaching the children word meanings. Could you help them with the word tragedy." So Bush agrees and asks the class the meaning of tragedy. Sarah raises her hand and says "If a tractor rolls over me and my friend by mistake, that would be a tragedy." Bush says "No, that would be an accident." So Jim raises his hand and says "If I drown because I slipped off of a dock, that would be a tragedy" Bush replies "No, that would be a great loss" So quiet little Johnny raises his hand from the corner "If an AirForce 2 Plane carrying you onboard is shot down, that would be a tragedy." Bush replied "RIGHT! Now can you tell me why it is a tragedy." Johnny replied "Because it wouldn't be an accident or a fucking great loss either."

LITTLE JHONNY

A teacher asked her students if they could use the words 'defeat, defense, and detail' in a sentence.

Little Johnny was a smarty, so he answered with, "De feet of de dog went over de fence before de tail."