LAUGHTER WORLD

No Offense meant ....

A Piece of conversation before and after marriage

Before Marriage......

He : Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She : Do you want me to leave?

He : NO! Don't even think about it.

She : Do you love me?

He : Of course! Over and over!

She : Have you ever cheated on me?

He : NO! Why are you even asking?

She : Will you kiss me?

He : Every chance I get!

She : Will you hit me?

He : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

She : Can I trust you?

He : Yes.

She : Darling!

After Marriage ...... SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP !!!

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX

You’re never too old to enjoy chocolate.
It’s safe to have chocolate while you’re driving.
You never feel guilty after chocolate.
You can make chocolate last as long as you want.
You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
With chocolate – satisfaction’s guaranteed.

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN MEN

No one’s ever been jilted by a chocolate gateau.
After telling your chocolate bar all your worries you can simply eat it.
You can share chocolates with your best friend.
A bar of chocolate doesn’t bore you by constantly talking about football.
Your mother will never disapprove of your choice of chocolate.

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

Chocolate never keeps you waiting.
Chocolate doesn’t get jealous when you look at another chocolate bar.
You never have to buy a box of chocolates for a box of chocolates.
Chocolate doesn’t talk incessantly while you’re watching the football.
It doesn’t expect you to remember the anniversary of the first time you met.
Chocolate never tries to chat up your best friend.
Chocolate isn’t looking for a long term commitment.

Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of Peter at
The Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" That's Nelson Mandela's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie." Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The Hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

3 Chinese men wanted to become US citizen and
"Americanize" themselves.
Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu.

Bu named himself "Buck",
Chu name himself "Chuck", and
Fu decided to back to china....

So Bush decides to take a stop at an elementary school and randomly walks in on a classroom. The teacher goes "Oh its such an honor" "Mr. Bush would you mind. I was teaching the children word meanings. Could you help them with the word tragedy." So Bush agrees and asks the class the meaning of tragedy. Sarah raises her hand and says "If a tractor rolls over me and my friend by mistake, that would be a tragedy." Bush says "No, that would be an accident." So Jim raises his hand and says "If I drown because I slipped off of a dock, that would be a tragedy" Bush replies "No, that would be a great loss" So quiet little Johnny raises his hand from the corner "If an AirForce 2 Plane carrying you onboard is shot down, that would be a tragedy." Bush replied "RIGHT! Now can you tell me why it is a tragedy." Johnny replied "Because it wouldn't be an accident or a fucking great loss either."

A teacher asked her students if they could use the words 'defeat, defense, and detail' in a sentence.

Little Johnny was a smarty, so he answered with, "De feet of de dog went over de fence before de tail."

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's House for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his Mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His Mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my Super Glue."

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."

A man sentenced to prison was put in a cell with an older convict who had been there for many years.

One day, they were talking about their pasts, and the old man said, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."

"What happened?" his new cellmate asked.

"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing.

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,

"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this...somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

A man goes to his physician and is shocked to find that he has been replaced by a super-computer. The computer asks him his ailments and the man says he has a sore elbow. A drawer pops out and he is asked to urinate in it. After a few bleeps and flashing lights the computer decides he has tennis elbow.

The man is annoyed and decides to get one over on this machine so he asks his wife for a urine sample. He then mixes this with urine from his dog and his small son and to top it off, adds some of his sperm. He takes it to the computer-physician who again asks him for a sample. He places the urine/sperm sample in the drawer and the computer makes its usual display of bleeps and flashes before telling him that his wife is pregnant, his dog has rabies, his son has chicken pox and if he doesn't stop masturbating he'll never get rid of his tennis elbow.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day:

First worm - dead

Second worm - dead.

Third worm - dead.

Fourth worm - alive.

Therefore, if you smoke, drink and have sex often, you won't get worms!

Girls’ relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.

It’s not just about boyfriends, we’re talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn’t fit to wear Jeetendra’s white shoes? Here’s a ready reckoner for you:

% just a friend %
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, “Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??”
Rahul: “Where are you going Shilpa??”
Shilpa: “None of your business” and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph! ).

% Good Friend %
You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.
Rahul calls: “Hi Shilpa”,
Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye”
(Shilpa calls back after two days)
Shilpa: “What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?”.
Rahul: “Generally”.
Shilpa: “Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye.”
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.

% Very good friend %
Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.
She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.
Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.
Shilpa: “You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn’t sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn’t like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl”.
Rahul: “Who is Shekhar??”
Shilpa : “My boyfriend.”
Rahul: Oh! ok.

% Best Friend %
You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can’t live without you.
And don’t be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.

Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.
Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.
Shilpa: “But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends
Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that.”
Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).

% Best of the Bestest Friends %
Ok now you are really special.
You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything.
Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.
You take her around.
You make her project.
You do her assignments.
You are allowed to take her doggie around.
You can hold hands on the beach.
You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).
But but but… don’t be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.
Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend”.
Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul’s wrist).
Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.

% Boyfriend %
Uh… No comments dude. You’re already Gone

For all Rahul type guys? Make sure that you tell Shilpa about Mamta. And about Maya? and about Tina also?

This will open Shilpa’s eyes!!!!

Send it to boys to improve their Knowledge bank

Send it to girls who want to live in reality

Eventually? both will laugh

A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there’s something wrong with her password.

"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says. "Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be able to read your password." "Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left knee and screams in pain. Then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more. She pushes her stomach and screams and then she pushes her ankle and screams even louder. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!'

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, 'Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?'

'No, sweetheart,' she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, 'Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master Card balance yet?'

'Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,' she says.

'One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the ICICI auto loan to them this month?' he asks.

'Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,' begged Mona. 'I didn't send that one, either.'

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, 'So, why did you hug me?'

Rajiv answers, 'They'll find us!'

GIRL FACTS

When a GIRL is quiet,

Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,

She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of

questions,

She is wondering how long you will be

around.

When a GIRL answers “i’m fine” after a

few

seconds,

She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you,

She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,

She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL calls you everyday,

She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,

She wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL sms’s u everyday,

She wants you to reply at least once.

When a GIRL says I love you,

She means it.

When a GIRL says that she can’t live

without you,

She has made up her mind that you are

her

future.

When a GIRL says “i miss you”,

No one in this world can miss you more

than that

Believe it its a Fact…

OK read the English meaning and then "OUT LOUD" say the Chinese words...

(You MUST read them out loud or it doesn't make as much sense)...

1) That's not right.................................... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP.......................................... Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man............................................. Dum Fuk

5) Small horse........................................ Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach?....................... Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped in to a coffee table........... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift...................... Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here.............................. Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet............... Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone....................... No Pah King

12) staying out of sight.............................. Lei Ying Lo

13) He's cleaning his automobile................ Wa Shing Ka

14) Your body odor is offensive.................. Yu Stin Ki Pu

15) Great............................................. ..... Fa Kin Su Pah

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”
The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!” The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!”

Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 10.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Welcome to the 'Indian Stock Market'!

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now
he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best
friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He
started working for a big airline, then went to f light school to become a pilot.
Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its
assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his
birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and
expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the
restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper
at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment .'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he
hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a
beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line
Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

Three answers most feared by men)

1. (Whatever)

Men: What to have for dinner?

Women: Whatever..

Men: Why not we have steamboat?

Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face

Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine

Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?

Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood

Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea

Men: Then what you suggest?

Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)

Men: So what should we do now?

Women: Anything

Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie

Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only

Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?

Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?

Men: Then find a café and have drink

Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep

Men: Then what you suggest?

Women: Anything

3. (You decide)

Men: Then we just go home

Women: You decide

Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you

Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want

Men: Ok we will take Taxi

Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance

Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk

Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?

Men: Then what you suggest?

Women: You decide

Men: Let's have dinner first

Women: Whatever...

Men: Eat what?

Women: Anyting

(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)

Santa enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

A man boards a Jet Airways flight from Delhi to mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks 'Business trip or vacation?' She turns, smiles, and says, 'Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention.' He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, 'What's your business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she says, 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.' 'Really?' he says, swallowing hard. 'What m-m-m-myths are those?'

'Well,' she explains, 'one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar.'

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. 'I'msorry,' she says, 'I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!'

'Venkatraman!' the man blurts out. 'Venkatraman Mukherjee! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh!'

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.

Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"

Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"

Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."

This is how business is done!!!

A young unwed girl discovers that she is pregnant.
Scared, she confides this 'news' to her mother.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did
this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature
and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very
expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl,
and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.

However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll takeresponsibility.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a
beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy
will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is
twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a
miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

"You can try again!"....

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,
Banta

Last one from me to Mr. Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, What?" Banta says.

The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"

"Fish! What fish?" Banta responds.

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part
of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring
back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's
like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She
tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried
with her mo uth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still
nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first
with both hands and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but
still nothing.

The doctor was shocked!

'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .........reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens

What is the difference

between girls aged:

8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed

and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story

and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story

to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story

and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story

to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed

to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed,

that'll be a story!!

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH : "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn'thave ten years ago.
WILLY : Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE : Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."